How to share your child’s autism diagnosis with their siblings

A guide for parents/carers:

Having a brother or sister with autism can bring some challenges. Siblings might have extra responsibilities, worry about their sibling, or feel like they don’t get enough attention from parents.

It’s important to talk about autism in a way that works for them. Think about how old they are, how much they can understand, and how to support them. There’s no one “right” way to do this, but here are some ideas to help.

What to talk about

• Similarities and differences
  Talk about how people are alike and different. For example, everyone has different eye or hair colours, likes different foods, or prefers certain school subjects. Explain that autism is a difference too. It means their sibling has special strengths and needs, and this is called autism.
• Autism is not an illness
  Explain that autism isn’t something you can “catch” or “cure.” It’s just a part of who their sibling is. They’ve always been, and will always be, autistic.
• Learning from others
  Talk about famous autistic people or someone you know. This can help show how autism is different for everyone. Some autistic people need a lot of help, while others need less—and this can change over time.

How to have the conversation

• Use their favourite way to learn
  Think about how your child likes to get information. Maybe they’d like to read a simple book about autism or watch a video. Decide if their autistic sibling should join the conversation—it might be helpful.
• Pick a good time
  Choose a quiet moment when your child is calm. Turn off distractions like phones or TVs. You could give them a comforting toy or blanket to hold while you talk.
• Be honest and open
  Explain what autism means and how it affects their sibling. Let them ask questions and write them down to talk about later. Be honest if you don’t know the answers and help them find out together.
• Talk about feelings
  Let them share how they feel—there’s no right or wrong way to feel. Explain that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused sometimes.
• Get help if needed
  If your child feels close to someone else, like a grandparent or teacher, they could help with the conversation. You might also ask a professional to support you.

Remember

Support all your children to spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. Give them time to do their own things too.

Where to get help

You can find advice and support from Sibs, a charity for siblings of disabled children. Some places, like Families in Focus in Essex or Barnardo’s, offer clubs and help for siblings and young carers.